I didn’t know Sam before this encounter. My neighbor Lawrence told me that Sam was professional and ethical, and I should get a second opinion about my car repair at his shop. We started with the initial small talk, he told me how long he’d known Lawrence, and when I asked him about his accent, he told me about his journey from West Virginia to Florida.
He was friendly and warm, and as I asked him more questions, he shared more. As he spoke about his wife and their decision to move away from cold weather, I asked if he had children. His expression changed to one of pain and he hesitated. I knew I’d struck a nerve, but I could tell he was forthcoming by nature and decided to share his story. Their two sons had died. One in an accident and the other from a serious health issue.
At that moment, I knew I could just express my condolences and change the subject, avoid connection, commitment, and complication. But having lived through difficult moments in life myself, I know how lonely it is when people avoid difficult subjects and abandon you to your pain.
How unfair, I reflected, that some people must face such harsh and difficult trials in their lives. He seemed encouraged and proceeded to tell the story of the most recent loss in intimate detail. I listened intently to him. I listened not only with my ears, but with my heart and soul. I listened with my tone and non-verbal, all the while inviting him to go on. At one point, his eyes welled up.
The conversation was cathartic, and stirred my heart to feel such empathy, while relieving him of something that seemed to still be weighing heavy on him. Interesting how sometimes we can open up to a complete stranger and share something we may be reluctant to burden others with.
At the end, Sam’s story concluded on a positive note, talking about the legacy his son had left and the good memories. When I left the shop, he thanked me for lending him my ear. I thanked him for the honor of trusting me with his story. He gave me a nice discount on the work that had been done, but the truth is that I felt richer for the connection I had had with him and grateful for the experience.
In today’s impersonal virtual world, it’s easier to look away at a screen than connect with people. Don’t lose the ability to share experiences with others and listen to theirs. Practice active listening. Practice empathy. You will come away all the richer for it.
Let there be!
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