I was on a flight from Mexico City to Guadalajara when I noticed the woman sitting next to me reading a novel I had read. I couldn’t help myself and said, “Oooh, that’s a good book. Are you enjoying it?” She smiled and shared that she was, and that started a very pleasant conversation that lasted the rest of the flight. As it turned out, we were staying at the same hotel, so we shared a taxi ride from the airport, and had dinner and continued our conversation. We found out we shared a few things in common, having kids the same age and having similar philosophies towards life. We shared information and a few weeks later I got a call from the L&D person from her company to ask if I could come in to talk about some training solutions. That company has become a steady client for years and she has become a good friend. It all started with a comment about a book.
Connecting with people can be extremely satisfying and rewarding. It may just be a moment where you share a brief connection, a smile, a chuckle, a comment, or it can be a longer conversation. The problem is, if we are constantly looking at our devices and have headphones on, we are literally blocking the real people around us in favor of virtual presences far away. And how many opportunities may we be missing?
More and more, we see that casual conversations with strangers or even acquaintances seem to be a fading memory. Restaurants are filled with diners silently scrolling, teens sitting together looking down at their phones, and even face-to-face interactions interrupted by constant peering at our electronic appendage. The decline in attentiveness isn’t just a matter of social etiquette. It has real consequences. Meaningful connections are built on shared experiences, mutual understanding, and genuine interest in others. These qualities are difficult to cultivate when our focus is constantly divided.
By reflecting on this shift in how we interact with the world around us, we can realize how important it is to put down our devices and reclaim our ability to be present. The human connection we forge in face-to-face interactions is irreplaceable, offering a depth and richness that the digital world simply can’t match.
I must admit, I’m a curious soul, and I do love people, so perhaps striking up a conversation comes second nature to me, but you would be surprised by the pleasant experiences that appear when we try to be present and connected with people around us. The other day I was shopping at a store, when a man pointed out a cookie baking set to his wife. “Yeah, like that’s gonna happen”, she said, and noticed that I was smiling amused, and instantly, there was an accomplice-like camaraderie between the two of us.
It’s fun, pleasant, and heart-warming to find instant connections to people, to find that you have something in common with a stranger. It’s something we desperately need in the current social and political climate, which seems to be separating us more and more even though we can connect to people further and further away. It’s healthy and good for us to be present with those around us and builds a sense of solidarity and community.
If you feel like you are losing the art of conversation, here are some tips:
Start Small
Don’t pressure yourself to launch into deep philosophical discussions. Begin with a simple hello, a smile, or an observation.
Focus on the other Person
Shyness is often the result of self-consciousness. Shift your attention to the other person by asking them about themselves. Open-ended questions are usually the best, as they provide so much more information.
Find Common Ground
Look for shared experiences. Are you standing in line for something? Bring the common experience to the forefront and move on from there. My comment about the book is a perfect example.
Project Confidence
An air of friendliness and openness is contagious. A warm greeting with eye contact and a smile can work wonders and create reciprocity.
Be ok with Rejection
Sometimes some people are just not interested in having a conversation. Oh well! Their loss….next!
Remember, conversation is a skill that strengthens with practice. You never know who you might meet – a chance encounter on a plane, or in line at the supermarket or waiting for a taxi can blossom into a lasting friendship or even a professional opportunity. There are countless interesting people waiting to connect. In the end, conversation isn’t just about exchanging information; it’s about forging connections, fostering empathy, and enriching our understanding of the world – one heartfelt exchange at a time.
